I am my own worst enemy. That is complete truth. I grew up in a family that made their children compete against each other and every competition was rigged. I excelled at everything because every day was a fight for me to prove that I wa worthy of the love and life I was given. My mother was great at guilt tripping, even before I knew what that was. My grandmother blatantly favored one grandchild over the other and I always came in last place. It was something I never understood because I always became the best at anything I did. I never had it in me to give less than 110%.
I’m now closing in on 30 years old. I have a great job and a wonderful husband. The thing is, I still catch myself comparing everything I do to other people all the time. I had a hard time running with one of my friends because she could effortlessly run 9 minute miles. It made my triumph at breaking 12 minutes seem so worthless at the time. My little brother and younger cousin both have/are having kids and I’m waiting until after the princess half marathon weekend to even begin trying. I had myself a little bit of a break down last night about it. Funny thing is, I’m right where I’m supposed to be.
I’m working toward making a personal dream a reality. I get to have one more big adventure in Disney before that. I know that I’m loving this places have in life, yet it can take the smallest thing to make me forget all of that. I had a good short run yesterday and still felt slightly disappointed about my time. It’s crazy how caught up we can get in trying to be as good as so-in-so or proving something to other people. Starting today, the only person I have to prove anything to is myself and the fact that I got out in the Arkansas sunshine yesterday for a run at all is good enough. Does anyone else have this problem? How do you bring yourself back to center? I’m sure it’s not going to be the easiest road but life is about making changes and growing as a person.